Their past explains their behavior but analyze: is past an explanation or an excuse? Map current behaviors: trauma response vs. unwillingness to grow vs. using past to avoid accountability. Calculate: time since past event vs. effort to heal vs. impact on me. Show me the distinction: understandable struggle vs. refusing to address issues. Give me the reality: this deserves compassion, this is excuse for bad behavior. Include: whether their past justifies current harm to me, if they're working on healing, and whether I'm enabling by accepting the excuse.